My Personal Check List

I think i have to recognize, sometimes, somethings, make us come back to our personal check lists

I really didn´t think about such a thing. I felt I was almost cured 
but today...
ha... 

Some human being told me, one time or all the times  he could, that I was unable to be happy because I am unable to trust 
Well... thinking about what he is and  made all the time 
I WAS AND AM TOTALLY RIGHT





But today... 
All the things that happened to me, and... is that my reaction?? REALLY VIVIAN?? 
No... I can´t believe myself


Healthy friendship, my parents consent, my kids approval... and what is in my mind...
                                     "Do I really want him to come?"
a little voice from the back of my head said: yes, u have been working on that, u convinced him to come even when he doesnt like the warm weather... yes, yes, yes!! 
when I finally conviced myself... walked aroung with that particular excitement, smiling, reading and doing my things..
Then  that stupid bunch of questions came to my mind with that exact way to start...

                                             WHAT IF... 

Walked directly to my computer, again, and watching some information; like a robot; trying to don´t move a neuron, got a message and something I can´t really remember, or I can but dont want to share happened, then I asked to my Vivi... Why?? why now?...

and the bunch of questions still around bothering me...  WHAT IF, WHAT IF WHAT IF... 

Nnnooooooo, I don´t want to think, I just want to laugh as i have been doing, want to enjoy what life has for me, taste the sugar of a nice moment and feel tht i´m alive...

With all those WHAT IF in mind i realized... yes, i have to finish the check list.. apparently i forgot one of the exercises and is still pending...

• Selfsteem  DONE
• bitterness  DONE
• sadness     DONE
• sarcasm    NOT A PROBLEM!!
• stupid fears PENDING PENDING PENDING!! 

I really don´t want to hurt anybody bcz of my own fears, I want to enjoy the time by his side, hear my laugh, touch happiness, open the door to my future with someone or alone but mine...

I´m really frightened of not being able to step out of that stupid situation, of continue hearing those questions...

Just want to have an answer for every what if...

WHAT IF... Things works better than what i think?

WHAT IF...  I finally decide to find the happiness that is waiting inside of me? 

WHAT IF...  I have the chance to be loved more than what i thot i could ever be?

WHAT IF...  This is only the nice first day of the rest of my life?

All those WHAT IF but a new good question that will encourage me to continue and an answer that will inspire my spirit 

That Big... WHAT IF I finally step out of all my fears and live my happiness

Right now without any answer about what will happen with my future 

I invite myself to enjoy the rest of my days with me 

ha!! 

WHAT IF I DRAW A SMILE ON MY FACE AND

leave this here??

Piedelmundo!!!