Two Of A Kind!! me in my blue bubble looking at other´s bubble...

Since I am a mature woman on my late 30´s, of course, I go on dating sites if maybe there is the the one for me...
Back on june I started talking with someone but that someone was not interested on me at all, he was behind someone else who was engaged with someone in the states...
well sounds like a big mess...
I was not interested on the person I found there neither, bcz of two mainly reasons... i dont like people who write bad things about other people even when they are correct... i dont know why i preffer to be away from that people.. is my own view!!
the second reason was the pic he had there... no shirt on... well, something really far from what i like to see on a pic of a respectfull man... he changed that bcz i told him when i decided and told him i could be his friend... FRIEND, NOTHING ELSE... NO FRIENDS WITH RIGHTS!!
Then i deleted him since that´s what i do with the people dont talk or interact with me.. im not a profile collector!!

Then all those writings for my previous OWNER...

All the mess happened with my loneliness and all the information i discovered... TERRIBLE!!

 but i was still on that site as i do on some other dating sites...
one day he added me again  on Dec...
i accepted bcz as my best friend says..  education does not fight with anybody!!
but i tried to let him know he already added me and that i knew him and his story... i think he didn´t remind me... i tried my best bcz i didn´t want to waste his time, neither mine...
well... when loneliness attack me and hit me on my face... i take challenges and try to do good!!
so i met him and we went to the zoo... that was good, very funny, i dont like the zoo at all... it smells terrible and didn´t change at all...

then we walked thru the day like new insane people in a big city... i love walking but under the sun but i did bcz we were talking, laughing and having fun... nothing dangerous...
Too Good But real... 
Too Good But for real!!
felt scared, felt connected with someone out of my blue bubble...
Too Good...
I spent those good days thru xmas and new year.. 
I Thank God and Xip for..
Then just a day after the holidays i found out i was a name marked on a list...


A JOKE TO LAUGH!!  no details...
But i was a name marked on a list...

This days, thinking about all that I know I´m greatfull with Xip bcz he showed me I´m ready to continue walking, 

I was right back on april when i finally left Al and his lies, even when we had 4 years on a relationship and i thot he was the man for me... 


The only thing can´t get over yet are the lies... 
HATE LIES, HATE LIES HATE LIES...  
Im not saying im perfect... but i preffer to say the truth even when i know that may hurt.... but hiding information that will be discovered on another way is or disguise information, or simply say the contrary of the things  is to live a lie... the worst part is to believe that  the others will believe our own lie... 

we have to believe the lie before we spit that out...

Im not perfect since im not blind, deaf or molt... i really would love to dont be able to see, hear or say things... but i can´t...
ok but thats another thing....

the thing with Xip, bcz I dont like to give details of nothing, is that we were two of a kind... 
I can imagine us both sitting side by side talking about the people he meet on the malls or wherever and me the people i talk with and their stories...
Walking thru the city for hours laughing, reading books and sharing knowledge
Also sharing about what we write... i would like to share here his site but.. i dont have the permission and i really dont think he would like...
well... two of a kind sitting side by side he in his green bubble me in my blue bubble 
chatting with people on the internet, writing on the blogs, reading books, walking, listening music, watching movies and trying to find those someones who are the othe half of each other... 
two of a kind bcz we are not a couple 
we are similar but not made for each other 
just two of a kind...


ok i´ll leave it there... 
see ya!!

Piedelmundo!!!

i was right back in april!!

This e-card was deferred on october 

delivered on the 3rd of january...

at this point i just hope i didnt send that much of those cards... 

im feeling embarrased with him bcz im bothering him 

when i dont even feel anything for him 

those words were in a past 

when i suffered for him 

now i just remember his name 

and those things he used to say when he was upset 

but cant see his face in my mind 

or anything else...

is not a lie time can cure anything..

i thot i was to love him for ever 

now i can tell 

i was not for him as i realized when i left him in April...

Piedelmundo...

This is actually october 19th 

now writing in spanish since u wont read me...

Escribirte

Hablarte a ti

Llorar por ti

E intentar que lo sepas no es mas que

Gritar en el desierto

Grabar en piedra fría palabras de amor ardiente

Escribir en el muro de las lamentaciones y esperar

Respuesta a viva voz

Es caminar en la oscuridad en una noche sin luna ni estrellas

Viajar sin rumbo

Navegar sin conocer el cielo ni el mar...

Pero asi voy…

Gritando  que te amo por si alguna de mis palabras es lo suficientemente hábil y logra llegar a tu corazón por que tus oídos no me escuchan

Grabando en piedra fría toda esta pasión esperando que en algún momento en tu camino logres tropezar con una de mis piedras y sientas lo que siento

escribiendo en este muro de lamentaciones todo lo que te quiero por si en algún momento se cansa y me responde…

voy…

caminando en la oscuridad por que tu eres mi luz, tu eres mi luna y mi estrella y no te tengo pero sigo caminando para encontrarte nuevamente y poder volver a ver mi camino

viajando sin rumbo por que no tengo donde ir si tu eres mi destino y no te tengo…

navegando en un mar de soledad sin saber cual es el cielo ni cual es el mar, completamente perdida en este mundo que no me habla ni me muestra una señal...

completamente perdida sin ti que ya no me quieres a mi…

perdida por mi propia mano, como pajarillo que ha escapado de su jaula y al tratar de regresar ha encontrado todas las puertas cerradas…

Piedelmundo…

maybe alone but happy!!

Hahahhahahah..

yes if one day u decide to talk to me

just be aware that the only thing i will give u back is a smile 

and the posibility to have a friendship

a friendship bcz im greatfull 

not bcz i miss u 

i dont miss u anymore 

i dont need u anymore 

i dont want u anymore 

and im able to think without u

but if u never do 

be aware that 

i will continue living 

maybe alone 

but happy!! 

piedelmundo!!!

How do you feel ignoring me?? 

i´m asking because i never ignored you the way you are doing ...

i got mad, i got quiet but never ignored you that way you are... 

the time you told me about your family i didnt talk with you for days but i was hurted and i got sick... i couldnt go to wrk...

your voice hurted me but i still went back to you, i couldnt help

please tell me... how do that feels to ignore someone like that, i mean someone you said you loved that much

ok.. i still...

“if one day you feel like crying...
call me 
I don't promise that
I will make you laugh

But I can cry with you.

If one day you want to run away
Don't be afraid to call me.
I don't promise to ask you to stop,

But I can run with you.

If one day you don't want to listen to anyone 
call me 
i promise to be there for you
but i also promise to remain quiet 

But...
If one day you call
and there is no answer...
come fast to see me..

Perhaps I need you.”

I need you!!

Piedelmundo...

more more more...

Oh my God... 
as i was crying i was writing, 
or as i was writing i was crying 
i cant recall what was first 
if the words or the tears 
but they were combined 
to create all this 
maybe it has sense 
maybe not 
who care about??
just me... 
the one who can read my own words 
and enjoy the beauty of a feeling
the one who felt that 
the one who is so happy now 
bcz i didnt let the feeling to kill me 
and even when im alone 
i can tell im happy...

piedelmundo!!!

This is october 15th 2013 

 but that doesnt care since u wont read this...

well happy holidays i guess...

love u babe..

Esperándote

Mirando tras el cristal

Tantas otras felicidades

Tantos otros rostros

Lejanos e indiferentes a mí

Tras el cristal

Esperando

Deseando una señal

De tu parte para seguir viviendo

Para saber que tanta espera tiene sentido

Que no es en vano

Y que puedo seguir esperando

En ocasiones mientras rio

Me pregunto hasta cuando estaré en espera

Si ya pronto dejare de esperarte

Y seguiré mi camino

De momentos con miedo

A la eternidad de aguardarte

Porque no termine el llanto

Porque no termine el dolor

Y siga solo esperando…

Con la esperanza puesta en nada

Simplemente esperando

A que dejes de ignorarme

Y decidas acompañar mis labios

Con tus besos

Mis brazos con tu calor

Mi amor con tu alma

Y mi soledad contigo…

Piedelmundo...

Back on oct... today on january smiling!!!

The e-card was sent on oct the 6th... 

today is  january the 8th...

looking back there i feel bad for myslf and the people around me, they saw me suffering and tried to help me...

today... after all 

i can tell... 

im not suffering 

im not crying 

and i dont want to go back there

i dont belong to those arms anymore 

and i dont need him in my life...

if one day he decide to say hi 

i´ll say hi back and will offer my friendship 

if that day never comes 

i´ll be greatfull with him bcz he  taught me many things of life and myslf 

but more greatfull with the person who showed me i was ready to continue living...

now focus on finding a new boyfriend, before i´m too old and have to find someone to fill a place on a table wishing that person doesnt want to touch me at all... eeewwwww  

hahahhaahha 

Smiling!!

hope both of them say hi sometime...

Happy new year...

all your wishes come true!! 

October 6; 2013

What i really want...

Talking with a friend today..

She is the one by my side, btw, she is the one who asked me if you said something for her one time

Now her relationship is good, Im glad I had the experience enough to help her

Ok… today she asked me

Bcz, I was so sad…

Did you ask him what is the reason for his actitude?

Did you ask him why he read your messages but don’t say nothing?

By that moment I didn’t respond nothing and she had to take her bus

But I answered those questions to my slf, I imagine you looking at me  to kill me if I ask such question…

But, guess what…

Now youre not reading me and you will not…

So I can ask and i´ll receive the same answer

Hun, why?

If many times we fought and when you called me even when I felt you were not right I didn’t ignore you

Why if you read me, why you don’t say nothing even to blame on me?

Why you read me?

if the reason is that youre that loyal and you have someone why you read me??

This is so difficult… member I told you im a difficult person??

So… I am

But im willing to change

I can accept

You  spiting in my mouth and hit me everyday if you just say hi…

I can change and stop talking

If  you come back to me …

Come back to me… and i´ll be your servant for the rest of my life

I can trade my life

To be with you

To have you again…

Anything, anything for you

To see you smiling and hear your voice

To touch you and kiss your hands

To feel your touch on my skin

To hug you

And taste you again

Anything

I would trade all my smiles

To see yours

I can give out all I have

All I want

Just to feel your arms around me

Or not even for that

Just to see you

behind the cold screen of my laptop

October 6 2013

It was a terrible day yesterday,

I woke up crying because I dreamed of you

And didn’t want to get up

Didn’t want to look at my cellphn

Because I knew there was nothing from you

During my work time was hard

Because everything reminded me of you

The names of my customers

Allan something

People from

Scarborough

Main

Rochester…

Well… that was a terrible morning

Me trying to forget and smile

But all my tears coming at once…

One of my customers, the one from main,

Asked what happened

When I asked for the zip code and I saw the name of that

And my voice got broken he sd

Is everything ok?? I replayed,

Yes…

I asked for the place… he sd yes that´s the area were ill be using my phn the most

Then my system got frozen I asked him..

Sorry, are you by the lake?

And he sd yes I am by the lake

Have you been here??

I sd, no…

Then I couldn’t cont talking

And he asked again

Is everything ok??

I sd with my voice broken

Yes, sir sorry, my system is still frozen I have to open my tools again

Then he said…

No, im asking if you are ok, I know your system is not that good but I think you´re not good neither…

I didn’t respond

Then he said

Sorry youre not ok, God bless you

Then at the end of the day

Told to my friend Kelly

Why? What kind of father is God that enjoy to see me crying?

Im asking him not to mk me forget about Alan

Not to make me hate him

Not to make him come back to me

But to stop this pain in my heart

But he is not helping me

I just want to remind him with a smile without tears

But

I get soaked of tears without smiles…

She told me…

Sorry my friend you feel guilty

And this sorrow wont stop

And the worst is that you didn’t know how you love him…

Now you realized you cant live without him

And is now when you have to try without him…

Today I got up without tears

I thot of you and felt how I wanted to…

Not happiness but no tears.. no terrible pain

Then the destiny

Came with a phrase

Hay teléfonos, e-mails, facebook, twitter, whatsapp, cartas, telegramas y señales de humo. Si no te habla es porque no quiere.

No need to translate since u wont read this….

As my profile picture on fb I got hit on my face and my mouth is bleeding…

At this moment I wish I get in an accident that erase you from my mind

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3pkWeWDn25I

what I really want??

You back… nothing else

If I don’t have you

Tell me a good reason to continue

Like when you feel under the big foot of the world

Piedelmundo…

Palabras son lagrimas y risas... palomas vestidas de llanto y carnaval!!

That e-card was sent before i found out about your angel...

then I almost die 

then I almost lose the oportunity to know 

the life 

and have the joy of someone writing for me 

almost lose the chance to see myslf reflected on those eyes 

and taste the sweetness of those lips 

almost leave this world without knowing 

out there someone who deserve my words 

and who will make them his words 

to exchange them for smiles 

was waiting for me...

to give me happiness 

was in need of me...

to live, love and laugh!!!

 

Piedelmundo!!! 

 

 

Actually this is october 15th 

and you wont read this message... 

then what´s the purpose to translate this... 

mmmm 

happy something babe... i cant tell im happy 

when i miss you 

Mis palabras

Son mis lágrimas

Son palomas nacidas entre capullos

Echadas a volar 

A surcar el cielo

Vistiendo el blanco color de la sinceridad

De mi alma al decirte que te amo

Vistiendo el azul de mis sueños

De volverte a tener entre mis brazos

Llevan en su pico el mensaje

De dolor de no tenerte

Y saberte indiferente a mi llanto

Mis palabras son palomas

Echadas al viento

Sin rumbo fijo

Para morir sin ser escuchadas

Desaparecer en el tiempo

Y ser olvidadas por nadie

Un montón de sentimientos

Convertidos en palabras

En lágrimas

En suspiros

En miradas perdidas

Y en esperas interminables

Mis palabras, esas que no te alcanzan

Que visto con un par de alas

Y echo al viento

Para que besen tu rosto

Para que lleguen hasta tu corazón

Para que bañen tu cuerpo con mi amor

Esas palabras

Lluvia de lágrimas

Que haces ajenas a tus oídos

Hoy las envió

Por que se que te amo

Por que se que me faltas

Porque te pertenece mi corazón

Y solo guardo la esperanza

De que en algún momento

De alguna manera

Las sientas

Y necesites hacer tuyo

Ese sentimiento en ellas

Guardado

Piedelmundo…