Seis Mas...

 Y  bien... por aqui ando nuevamente, sin promesas de quedarme pero para escribir un poco que creo que es lo que me hace falta... 

esta vez sobre esos seis, seis mas... 

vamos al gym y que son 6 repeticiones mas, dependiendo de nuestra condicion en ese momento, las hacemos en un pestanhar, o 6 vasos de agua mas para mantenernos bien hidratados, 6 huevos mas...

Seis, Seis mas... 

hacen ya seis anhos que me encuentro en este pais, al llegar pues no era mas que una latina mas, y no hay solo 6 y muchas mas de 600 o 6000... no se.. no estoy para estadisticas poblacionales en este pais... solo se que hace 6 anhos llegue, ahora ya con una ciudadania y un proceso en espera para mis hijos, hoy debo decir que son 6 mas... solo para ver si sucede el milagro de verlos obtener la entrada a este pais tambien... ojala y estos 6 anhos mas no sean en vano... 

mis condiciones no son las mismas, el amor no es el mismo, ni las miradas significan lo mismo, y estoy completamente segura de que de aqui a esos 6 anhos las cosas seran mucho mas diferentes que ahora, los silencios seran mas extensos y los gestos mas fuertes... 

Hoy agarro mi cabeza entre mis manos y solo puedo pensar... 6 anhos mas

Alguna vez cuando mis ninhos estaban aun chicos y con el mundo llenandome de miedos me prometi a mi misma que no saldria de aquel infierno hasta ver a mi hija ya convertida en una mujer que se pudiera defender, que esperaria por lo menos a que cumpliera  sus 15 para terminar de secar mis alas y echarme a volar... y fue una eternidad, pero ese dia llego, ese dia en que escuche su voz y pude estirar mis alas prepararlas para levantar el vuelo y hacerme independiente nuevamente... 

Pero hoy tras una noche de tormenta y fuego reviso mis alas y no estan aptas para volar, ya mi cuerpo esta cansado, envejecido y mis alas se han entumecido, mis propios pies no me llevan a mas de 10 millas a la redonda sin dejarme saber que mi alcance es poco, sin que mis ojos se llenen de lagrimas que no me dejan ver el camino y aun asi siento esa fuerza que me empuja fuera de mi zona de tranquilidad y me dice que debo volver  a volar... pero aun no lo puedo hacer, todavia debo aguantar por esos 6 anhos mas... 

6 anhos mas... 

y vuelvo a escuchar esa voz del mundo aterrador recordandome que no hay mal que dure 100 anhos ni cuerpo que lo resista. y me pregunto sere yo capaz de soportar? no seran 100 anhos los que deben aguantar mi mente y mi cuerpo pero lograre soportar esos 6 anhos mas... sera que el mal podra durar 100 anhos? me conformo con poder soportar esos 6 anhos, no por mi, pero por ellos... por mis Crios. por mis angeles, por mis hijos...

6 Anhos mas... 

Un monton de caos... un charco de lagrimas y como siempre se las dejo ahi!! 

In My Blue Bubble...

While I was thinking about the tittle for this writing and thinking how I wanted to be in my Blue Bubble... thought how many times I would use the same tittle for different kind of writings... 

I don´t know, but "In My Blue Bubble" has to be the tittle for this writing... Is where I wanted to be today, In My Blue Bubble, hiding my tears, not placing on my face a stupid smile for the world... just needed to hide myself here, out of the noise, out of the sight of the world...

Smiling and singing
as every day...
singing loud to the world
stealing a little of happiness 
wearing those greetings for the others... 
walking on the street breathing my freedom

Smiling and singing
As everyday... 
but suddenly 
that big sun came to my face 
to burn my eyes 
showing me the reality...
I took my pink sunglasses and got them on 
continued smiling 
thinking I would continue stealing that happiness... 

Smiling felt my heart folding and trying to get in my pocket 
to be safe...

Got in that long day of documents, calls, reports 
and other things to do...
untill that tweet....
Yes, that sound of my device... 
and that name...
and a chain of messages 
that stole my smiles
a river of fears and tears 
feeling all the drama inside of me
got the question...

What do you want of that relationship?
What are you looking for on him?

And that answer...

We both are afraid of our lonelinesses 
we both deal with eachother  
to avoid having to deal with our own minds saying we are alone...

And me... what I want of him... 
his tongue telling me the truth 
Is the only one I can trust... 
but...
nothing else... 
Is that enough?


Considering to die alone
I´m here... hiding In My Blue Bubble, where the world can´t see me and judge who or what I am... the world can burn out if I am safe here... 
where I can cry my words and thoughts... 
where I´m myself and the world can´t reach me...


In My Blue Bubble!! 

Piedelmundo...

Life is too good to be true...

Sometimes we are  so focused on what happened in our past or too worried about what could happen next... then we lose that present moment...

These days I`m reading a book... Yes, another book, The Power Of Now!! 

I have noticed this book is to be read slowly and meditating every word, is not like those books we read and leave, then I`m reading it very slow and trying to absorb every part... but what I have noticed is that I was on that mood from before... why to worry so much about the future? what will happen, will happen if I worry or not, then I better enjoy what I have now and live with a positive mind, sometimes we give for granted certain things but it is only necesary a little second for everything to change then, we should not give anything for granted, even if its good or bad...

Now I`m enjoying the fact of writing a couple of letters to a friend without expecting anythig back, I enjoy sending nice voice notes to another friend, watching what is around me when I`m out or even if I`m in the office or in my room... I look around, enjoy and feel greatful of what I have... If I have to cry I let my tears fall, and  might think ¿why? but I know they are teaching me how to appreciate a smile and have wider smiles and loud laughters when I have them.

Got a ride on a motorcycle, the traffic was terrible and I got nervous, turned the mind on for a couple of minutes thinking what if... then I decided to enjoy the moment, enjoy the ride...

After some days, having,  some, non positive situations, today I broke one of my  tooth, I cried bcz I don`t like the idea of having my teeth not looking good, then, still crying, I thought... at least it happened today when I`m going to see my dentist, I was very nervous about but when my dentist saw me he had that big bright smile and gave me a nice greeting, heard me,  treated me as I was his daughter, laughted at me being nervous and made me feel good again, I went back to my office with my teeth fixed and a crooked smile bcz of the anesthesia... I had a busy day, going everywhere to get things done ASAP, and after all I was coming home very tired thinking about what to eat... then I feel my phone ringing and that notification that made me jump on my toes and smile of happiness were there... Heee... after that those little naps and more smiles for me...

Life is too good to be true... since I decided to enjoy the present moment, every nap, I`m living!!

Happiness doesn`t mean to don`t be able to cry or have hard times... 
Happiness comes in little bites 
Happiness is to live and enjoy the present moment!!


Piedelmundo!! 

Taking naps...

To take a nap is to go to sleep and let the life pass while you decide to close your eyes to the reality... or is how I see it... I hate to take naps or I did... I know I used to do it but it was because I wanted to let the life and time pass hoping to see a different reality when I open my eyes after the nap... but the reality was even worst, then I thought... Ok at least I had the chance to scape from this for a couple of minutes...

Sorry is the truth... I didnt like to take naps... I did it to scape! 

Now days I`m getting up at 5 am then exercising, go to work on a busy environment where I don`t have a minute to rest, then come back, exercise more, prepare for the next day, try to read... make a little of social life and try to go to bed early enough to rest... I take little naps when my body is not able to continue... let the meditation to be longer and take a nap then... is crazy, I`m tired then I take those little naps...

And I love them... I love my naps!! 

Living a dream on a present moment, I didn`t want to wake up, I wanted to continue dreaming, laughing and enjoying the sweet flavor of whatever I was having... 

But as I called the situation... It was a dream... not thinking about the reality or the future, just the moment of being able to laugh and enjoy what was in my hands... 

A dream that had me smiling and dancing all over the place..ç
the sounds of music 
the breeze playing with my hair
a kiss waiting 
a hug 
and that endless laugh...

a dream that got tired of being a dream... 
then, the waking up
now... facing the truth
all the silence around
the white walls 
where is not a word 
bcz it was a dream...

Now I`m taking naps 
when some music comes 
naps that make me smile
once in a while...

Piedelmundo!!!

Everybody Lies

After being hurted by a couple of big liars...  the second worst than the first... I think twice every move I`m going to do and watch closely on every word and every move... 

Is not that I`m living in the past or that I`m full of bitter but that I don`t want any more lies in my life... I can get along with people that has problems, that is not that good looking, that is old or young... I don`t have problems with that type of things... but what I can`t stand are LIES! 

What I always say is.. pls I`m begging U, don`t lie to me bcz those lies will hurt U more that me... 

But I`m totally convinced, Everybody Lies...

As Everybody knows I`m divorced, on my 40`s, I have a Job, I`m studying and I`m looking for someone that will be the one who I want and choose to share coffee every morning and every afternoon in the terrace of my house, he has good, intelligent conversation, times of laughter, a positive mind, kill cockroaches and always has a kiss ready for me... then I`m on a dating site trying to find him, Hope is the last thing to lose, I get some likes and some messages... 

I check on those profiles and there I start finding the lies.... 

If you are 50, a picture of a 19 year old kid wont help you... or yes... but is a lie bcz who see you is interested on that 19 year old kid not the 50 old man who is hiding his reality...

Yes, people should get attracted to what is inside of someone, who that person is not how the person looks but if you don`t show yourself at least in the couple of days after meeting someone, and keep showing who u were but how u look now... is a big lie that will end in a breaking, not because of your reality but bcz of the LIE! 
if you lie on how you look, your age, your weight, your status... then what is left? 

Unfortunatelly: 

                                           EVERYBODY LIES

Ok... I`m silently leaving this here ...

Piedelmundo!!

Mi Sombra Nocturna

En plena oscuridad,
solo puedo extrañarte.
Te haz marchado.
Una mañana, sin fin, desapareciste sin dar aviso.
Y ahora solo puedo extrañarte,
Te imagino y recreo las noches de intenso temor por saberte cerca, 
por escucharte susurrar.
Pero no estas mas...

Una intensa luz llena hoy tu espacio,
una intensa luz que no me deja cerrar los ojos.
Extraño tu presencia por las noches, que ya no reconozco,
si mi habitaciòn ha sido inundada por esta luz, 
que no me deja, siquiera, tener mis propios sueños,
mis propios pensamientos.
Ahora no se cuando es dia o noche,
solo se que el tiempo pasa sin detenerse un segundo
por lo que contemplo en mi rostro reflejado en el agua...

Ya no hay sueños
Ya no hay noches
Ya no esta mi sombra nocturna
y no estoy yo...

Solo esta intensa luz que me enceguece
y no me deja pensar.
No existe mas el deseo, ni las risas complices.

Solo el momento de descansar sin tiempo, 
sin noches ni dias.
Mi sombra nocturna,
te haz marchado en una mañana sin fin,
y ahora solo puedo extrañarte!

Piedelmundo...

Same Way... Nothing

Que piensas?
y cerrando sus ojos busco por un par de segundos en su mente, mas su respuesta fue... Nada

Same way I stay here, in my own, with the pathetic suffer of someone who doesn`t know me and try to get some information about nothing
I close my eyes and the replay to my own is... Nothing

Same way I stay here in the middle of my reality and my dreams 
when my reality is not there to make me laugh 
I take my dreams and fly
and when my dreams are flying far from me 
I steal some of those laughters and give them to my reality

close my eyes and make a wish...
let my dreams come true 
let my reality be a dream 

Same way I hug my pillow  to sleep 
and get up every morning with a smile on my lips  
and a song in my mind 
and respond to those who ask...
No, I´m not in love... I´m not suffering
There is nothing...

Nothing!!


Piedelmundo...

The Shadow Of My Desire

Every night
night by night
I close the connections 
with  the world
every night, since I got a shadow in my blue bubble 
that smile I imagine
that dream for two 

Every night 
the product of my imagination
or who brought a pair of wings for my thoughts 
right there.
Untouchable
far from me 
but with me...

Every night
Since I got a shadow in my blue bubble 
when I close my eyes 
I feel his body,
feel his touch 

I am unable to open my eyes
shivering 
breathing fast 
expecting to have more
The Shadow of my desire 
caresses my face
with his fingertips 
barely touching 
the line of my lips,
follow my throat, 

then he stops his hand 
above of my bare breast 
to feel my breathing 
and my shivering skin
with a fast and gentle move 
brushes my nipples with his fingertips 
and continue, barely touching, 
to my belly bottom 
where I can't resist any more 
and open my eyes 
to find him in front of me 
but he is a shadow 
maybe
The product of my imagination
the shadow of my desire 
That vanishes in the dark 
every night...

Piedelmundo...

My Life In a Backpack

When I was a little girl, the idea of going out for days filled my mind with an infinite number of questions as what would we eat? where am I going to sleep?, etc... 
Once we went to sleep on the beach and the experience got to be something I can`t, really, recall; I was sick and we were nervous of me having an episode and then having to run back home or at least to find a doctor. 

When I got marry at my 18 years old, I moved to another town, far from home, alone with another kid  and four big bags with all my stuff.
Coming back home, still married, I carried one backpack and a little purse, my husband  followed me months after with the other things and more gotten on those 3 or 4 months spent in that fake new home town where I found the reality for an 18 years old, married woman.

Some years after that, when I was decided to be a confined wife, mother of a couple of beautifull kids we jump to a new adventure, moving to another country... 
I left behind all my things; washer machine, stove, bed, kids beds, millions of kids toys, etc... 
An entire life got left behind because of the great idea of having a better life... 
What A Better Life!!
At least I left that comfort zone of being a desperate house wife who didn`t love her life but thought there were anything else to live.
Then I saw everything around as I can live without or I can live with.
A life after messing all my life and messing it again and again, I took all my things, or at least all the things I thought I needed, filled 4 big bags again and returned to my own country.
Lived in slow burningtown for a year, and flew to my own city found a job and new people who got to convince me of growing roots there, got a few of things but lived looking by the window for the day when I find my way out of there and  him (the one who will love me, who I love) a free, happy soul who I can trust. I found my steps comin back to burningtown. 

But a month ago, I filled my little backpack with some stuff I would need to live, feeling nervous and insecure left the house, but came back before I expected. left my backpack filled with all the stuff with the stupid hope of leaving before I expected but... one day I came back and emptied my backpack to fill it with daily things for little trips, watched that backpack there calling me, asking me for a date to leave, thought about selling my soul and step into a new adventure for a week, a month or a life, but, but, but... 
I promised to myself I would wait for..., my words, 2 years? hhahahahaha yes, sure!! hahahaa but I don`t want to have to deal with a new asshole for now,  then... mmmmm??
Do I want to contact him? or him? they are always on a rush and I have things to do for my own... I don`t need to live for someone else I have my own life and troubles.

That is not the subject... 

From my recent, recent recent past, Oh Come on, listen to your self V "PAST" I got a bunch of things that filled my mind, a bussiness, a partnership, laughter, JOKES, JOKES, STUPID JOKES. then what?? a flight ticket.  mmmmmhhh... my backpack jumped on my lap...
Without filling it again I started to think about anything else and left the bag on the floor for later, 
Jokes, more jokes, rules, and jokes then... my own mind working  Jjmmmm 

I, still, looked in my bag and I just need some clothes and I will be ready to leave... 


I have my basic life in a backpack.... I always thought about that people that is jumping from one country to another as a homeless comunity... can I be a part of that? What would my family think? what would the people say? would I survive?

answers... I don`t know
                nothing different of what they already think
                I don`t care... 
                I don`t think

At my 40`s I have my life in a backpack...


Piedelmundo!!! 

Stop The Time

On that situation of being in the same place, trying to avoid any thought, walking and moving as an insane person, jumping, running and yelling to get away of my mind, even contaminating my life with lots of information. I have to check the time and the time is running... then I check it again and is going even faster.
But me, my body, my mind on this bed; this feeling of being trapped. All the noise out there those minds on their own time, all the life out there while my mind runs in here trapped in me, in this situation, in my device that shows me how the time flies while my life yell for a minute out for a second in silence, death!

Stop the Time and let me breath
Kill me, STOP THIS SHIT!!

Piedelmundo...

Trozos... Palabras Written back on april

It was written back on april with the others but I made a big mess of all of them, taking pieces here and there to hide what I was feeling, on saturday I got the reality hiting my face and taking my words away... 

then... if my words and feelings are not important anymore I can share it without fears and continue living... 

there is a future waiting for me and this time I will think of me first!! 

Trozos de Palabras…

Alguna vez sufri el robo de mis sonrisas

Quede sin ninguna...

Y  me invente unas nuevas.

Esta vez quede sin palabras...

todas estan agolpadas en un rincón de mi mente

esperan el momento que nunca llegara

para ser dichas

o ser escritas

Todas ellas palabras silenciadas

Palabras tontas,

simplemente palabras

o palabras de una mente tonta y simple.

Palabras...

Que no deben ser expresadas.

Palabras  despreciadas...

sin efecto,

Palabras simples.

simples palabras

de una mente tonta

que las ha dejado a todas

en un rincón

con la vana esperanza de que algún día

puedan ser dichas o escritas.

Esas palabras

que dicen lo que siento,

como te extraño,

en que lugar me invento una historia para dos,

cuando te tengo,

cuanto valgo por...

Esas palabras que viajan hasta ti,

que acarician tu rostro

y besan tus labios

Palabras de una mente tonta

y enamorada de lo imposible

Esas palabras que me guardo 

y no quieres escuchar 

Un filme rosa 

de final feliz

La escena de dos corazones 

inexistentes 

corriendo al encuentro de una felicidad

Un montón de palabras 

regadas por todos lados…

pero escondidas

tras la puerta de la realidad

donde te digo otro monton de palabras 

que nada tienen ke ver

que dicen lo opuesto a esas palabras 

que se kedan alli 

protegidas del mundo y de ti

Piedelmundo...

A Fake Story... written on april

It was written back on April, when there was a stupid hope to cheat on myself 

When I used to have a stupid trust on a Joker.

A fake story…

Walking through the park creating stories to laugh

Let me create one…

U will laugh out loud and u won´t be able to stop…

There were a couple of friends

He was a joker who didn´t believe in love

She was a crazy woman in love with love

They met bcz of any reason

He was more than what she was expecting

She was… what she was!!

A simple mind with a voice,

A silly mind thirsty of knowledge

They started talking about nothing

And she got lost in his eyes

He found someone who was laughing of his jokes

Day by day walking through the town

She didn´t find the way back to her life

And he had to leave…

Without a kiss or a good bye

He left her side

And her days became a bored couple of hours…

She wrote and cried her words

She cried more than what she thought

And somehow he decided to return

When he came back

She cleaned her face

And dried out her tears,

On her lips, a new smile

On her voice, that silent welcome

Her eyes sparkling

But her heart suffering bcz of the reality

Bcz she was aware of what his presence meant

And what would happen when he leaves again…

He coming back was an update of what already happened

But she was not to waste this opportunity

To borrow her lips again to steal those kisses

To touch his face again while he was joking

Again giving her own and getting lost again

While he was joking and preparing his heart for his perfect one

She dreamed of him

But at the same time

She was totally aware that she was nothing,

She didn´t even has a joke to make him laugh

And that word

Turned into an old joke

An old joke without grace…

Ooppss…

The inspiration is gone!!

Piedelmundo...