de las loqueras ya me estoy aburriendo por que no veo cambio alguno en mi estado de animo, parece un Scam para gastar algo de dinero sin obtener un resultado...
ahora no camino, ni corro, solo voy a montar la cicla,
no trabajo desde casa, si no en el laboratorio procesando popo
cada dia estoy mas loca, hablo mas sola con mis tres yo's, y cada vez me lo escondo aun mas por que no quiero que la gente se entere,
aun no bajo de peso por que la comida es mas rica y cada vez consigo mejores maneras de comer mas o preparar mejores comidas...
La perra sigue igual, o mas bien igual de carinhosa e intensa,
el verano esta caliente y el Invierno estara muy frio, sigo igual de loca o peor
Sabado por la tarde recibimos la llamada, y la invitaciòn a ir a Coveñas, enseguida salte diciendo: Si, Claro!! Me di a la tarea de poner todo en una balanza La aparente tranquilidad que tendria en casa con los comentarios de siempre Siglos de momentos pasando frente a mis ojos mientras maquino como sobrevivir al momento siguiente O Irme a otro ambiente fuera de las cuatro paredes Sin expectativa positiva alguna de lo que me esperaba Podia seguir en mi rutina de revisar cada 5 minutos si el sol habria decidido moverse o aventurarme a un dia malo pero, por lo menos, diferente . Ya conocia el lugar o algo lo que hacia las posibilidades de tener un buen dia mucho
mas vago y distante Decidida a hacer de mi dia algo por lo menos un tanto relajante me prepare psicologicamnte y embarque
Mi angel!
Comence con el pie izquierdo pero quien dijo que empezar con el pie izquierdo,es tener un mal comienzo? Con lo mejor de la musica, para mi ultimamnte, en mis oidos emprendimos el viaje. Llegamos sin mayores contratiempos, la organizacion de los organizadores, como debe ser en su orden normal. Y despues de un rato con el viento, el paisaje y ese mar llamandome a una meditaciòn. Uno de los mejores momentos ! Despues de media hora dirijo nuevamnte mi atencion a ese mar incitador y me adentro en sus aguas Por horas y horas me quede simplemnte disfrutando de la tibieza del agua mientras un sol escondido tras algunas nubes doraba un tanto mas mi piel ya oscura de nacimiento
Debi salir del agua a alimentarme. Y de postre un poco mas de meditacion y algunas posiciones, "para principiantes", de yoga Un cafe... y Mas de ese mar!!! Pues parece que las expectativas negativas se quedaron listas sin exito Ya que si bien el dia no fue lo mejor, me lo disfrute mucho!
Silently present in a room with my parents, hearing them while I write or read anything.
I open my eyes for a minute or two to smile about their argument or simple conversation about music, decades of changes, movies, fashion and nowdays customes.
I continue there on my own bubble
apparently untouchable,
appparently far from the reality around me
Enjoying my thoughts of them thinking I´m not there
I´m far and they can´t touch my mind.
but their words and thoughts get inside of my mind
and share coffee with my neurones
make a party
have an orgy
and after a while come to get me consciously with a questioning.
My parents are already on a different argument
The time has passed
but I keep the same posture
on the same chair
thinking about the same drink
same food I have everyday
and that questioning from the orgy of my thoughts, views and my parents words filtered in my mind
while I was cheating on myself
with the image of appearing non being there
with my windows apparently closed for their reality
my surrounding.
That questioning is the prove I´m there
sitting by them
on the same chair everyday
drinking the same coffee
the same chocolate with the same sawdust
the same type of news from the same font
and the same music in my ears
My parents are definitely attached to their golden years
their music, they call real music
their ways to see the world without thinking the world wasn´t how they think
but who could pull them off from their ideas of what the world was
what the world is
what the world will be
I´m not the one who could do anything
I´m detained in time too
listening the same music
If I want to hear spanish songs
the same list come to my mind
If I want to hear something to write then
Ricardo Arjona, of course
Inspiration, ways to write.
the balsam for my loneliness
I hear other musicians too
other kind of music
but for me to write and feel me
In Spanish the ones above
In English
the 80`s and 90`s romantic songs... or a little part of them
people usually get amazed with what they find on my lists
as my favorite song
I love it, It is so strong, but people don`t seem to have the same opinion about that song.
Of Course, I was 15 then...
and for the last 5 to 6 years...
mmm... My fave of that skinny guy
You got me bad, you really got me bad...
I `m gonna get u back!!
hahhahahahhahahahhahahha love the video!!
And of course I update a little of him
hahahahahhah
But listening my list, watching the videos
sitting on the same chair
even updating a little my lists
I`m detained In time
I wonder if after 10 years or more
when I`m 70 or 80 I will be arguing with my coffee about the kind of movies
the music people would like then
the fashion
If even now I call myself classic dressed
If after a bunch of years I will find in the other side of the world
a chair to drink my coffee every day the same way
If I will continue having my sawdust for breakfast and dinner
If I will go in my own blue bubble again
to cheat on me again
thinking I`m untouchable for the reality
and the ones around me
or the loneliness on my shoulder
I`m totally Detained in time
and that could be why I was nervous of my world not moving
and be in the same place with the same feelings for ever
I really don´t know where to start... I need a favor a little one... I wont start putting things bigger or give extended explanations for anything It could be easier to ignore everything and continue walking but... bcz of how I felt this time I need to ask for that favor
I know your intention is to show up and my intention was to simply ignore you till the end of my days...
Then, after analizing the situation knowing this is very easy for you to make comments as it is easy for my mind to bring all those terrible months and how I got judged by you, of being so negative and so...
I, really, don´t have to make a list of what happened how those months affected me emotionally physically psicologically socially
I´m under Re-construction learning and enjoying my process For u.. I wish the best so please... stay ok and FAR from me
When someone ask or talk about u Everytime my mind bring u up, (11 months are not 2 days and u damaged me) I´m not smiling
So... Please stay ok and far from me I don´t need ur comments on my things as u can read and see how I evolve Good bye!! Remember... Good riddance to you! Piedelmundo!!!
I placed that quote there because I like it, and because I think is true but what I´m going to talk about is totally different.
Silence and Loneliness
I used to write about silence as one of the worst punishments for anybody and Loneliness as that nightmare that was following me everywhere trying to catch me and waiting for me at the end of the road.
On friday when I was in silence I felt afraid of failing then I understood that is not to be quiet with my mouth only, but to stop my mind, to hear what people say and think twice before I spill any word or any sight that would disclose what is in my mind or how I feel. Even to calm my mind before it starts rushing because there are times when things can be better than what we think, so, instead of being trying to conclude on things we don´t know, just be calm.
That silence got to be one of the most delicious experiences I could have, and there totally quiet with my, supposed, desolation found myself secure, placid and delighted.
After that, I had to experience some chaos trying to get me, lots of words and the certainty of not being alone.
Loneliness is that friend who tell us, genuinely, if we steal smiles from someone because we are, unfortunally, attached to that human being or if we just share our laughs while they or us preffer to be together
Silence is that pleasure everybody should give to themselves
and Loneliness is a friend who would love to have a cup of coffee while she is with us!
You... you are that hiding smile I want to catch on a picture
That someone I want to smile and walk with, for a while!
Mmmmmm... It looks like I´m not writing that much lately... mmm may I close my blog? I don´t think, I will have a lot of things to write when we visit the other side of he world, or go to the mountains, or go to the unmentionable side of Colombia or simply stay here laughing!!
Escribir en el muro de las lamentaciones y esperar
Respuesta a viva voz
Es caminar en la oscuridad en una noche sin luna ni estrellas
Viajar sin rumbo
Navegar sin conocer el cielo ni el mar...
Pero asi voy…
Gritando que te amo por
si alguna de mis palabras es lo suficientemente hábil y logra llegar a tu corazón
por que tus oídos no me escuchan
Grabando en piedra fría toda esta pasión esperando que en algún momento
en tu camino logres tropezar con una de mis piedras y sientas lo que siento
escribiendo en este muro de lamentaciones todo lo que te quiero
por si en algún momento se cansa y me responde…
voy…
caminando en la oscuridad por que tu eres mi luz, tu eres mi
luna y mi estrella y no te tengo pero sigo caminando para encontrarte
nuevamente y poder volver a ver mi camino
viajando sin rumbo por que no tengo donde ir si tu eres mi
destino y no te tengo…
navegando en un mar de soledad sin saber cual es el cielo ni
cual es el mar, completamente perdida en este mundo que no me habla ni me
muestra una señal...
completamente perdida sin ti que ya no me quieres a mi…
perdida por mi propia mano, como pajarillo que ha escapado de su
jaula y al tratar de regresar ha encontrado todas las puertas cerradas…
