My Life In a Backpack

When I was a little girl, the idea of going out for days filled my mind with an infinite number of questions as what would we eat? where am I going to sleep?, etc... 
Once we went to sleep on the beach and the experience got to be something I can`t, really, recall; I was sick and we were nervous of me having an episode and then having to run back home or at least to find a doctor. 

When I got marry at my 18 years old, I moved to another town, far from home, alone with another kid  and four big bags with all my stuff.
Coming back home, still married, I carried one backpack and a little purse, my husband  followed me months after with the other things and more gotten on those 3 or 4 months spent in that fake new home town where I found the reality for an 18 years old, married woman.

Some years after that, when I was decided to be a confined wife, mother of a couple of beautifull kids we jump to a new adventure, moving to another country... 
I left behind all my things; washer machine, stove, bed, kids beds, millions of kids toys, etc... 
An entire life got left behind because of the great idea of having a better life... 
What A Better Life!!
At least I left that comfort zone of being a desperate house wife who didn`t love her life but thought there were anything else to live.
Then I saw everything around as I can live without or I can live with.
A life after messing all my life and messing it again and again, I took all my things, or at least all the things I thought I needed, filled 4 big bags again and returned to my own country.
Lived in slow burningtown for a year, and flew to my own city found a job and new people who got to convince me of growing roots there, got a few of things but lived looking by the window for the day when I find my way out of there and  him (the one who will love me, who I love) a free, happy soul who I can trust. I found my steps comin back to burningtown. 

But a month ago, I filled my little backpack with some stuff I would need to live, feeling nervous and insecure left the house, but came back before I expected. left my backpack filled with all the stuff with the stupid hope of leaving before I expected but... one day I came back and emptied my backpack to fill it with daily things for little trips, watched that backpack there calling me, asking me for a date to leave, thought about selling my soul and step into a new adventure for a week, a month or a life, but, but, but... 
I promised to myself I would wait for..., my words, 2 years? hhahahahaha yes, sure!! hahahaa but I don`t want to have to deal with a new asshole for now,  then... mmmmm??
Do I want to contact him? or him? they are always on a rush and I have things to do for my own... I don`t need to live for someone else I have my own life and troubles.

That is not the subject... 

From my recent, recent recent past, Oh Come on, listen to your self V "PAST" I got a bunch of things that filled my mind, a bussiness, a partnership, laughter, JOKES, JOKES, STUPID JOKES. then what?? a flight ticket.  mmmmmhhh... my backpack jumped on my lap...
Without filling it again I started to think about anything else and left the bag on the floor for later, 
Jokes, more jokes, rules, and jokes then... my own mind working  Jjmmmm 

I, still, looked in my bag and I just need some clothes and I will be ready to leave... 


I have my basic life in a backpack.... I always thought about that people that is jumping from one country to another as a homeless comunity... can I be a part of that? What would my family think? what would the people say? would I survive?

answers... I don`t know
                nothing different of what they already think
                I don`t care... 
                I don`t think

At my 40`s I have my life in a backpack...


Piedelmundo!!! 

Detained In Time.

Silently present in a room with my parents, hearing them while I write or read anything.

I open my eyes for a minute or two to smile about their argument or simple conversation about music, decades of changes, movies, fashion and nowdays customes. 

I continue there on my own bubble

apparently untouchable,

appparently far from the reality around me

Enjoying my thoughts of them thinking I´m not there 

I´m far and they can´t touch my mind.

but their words and thoughts get inside of my mind 

and share coffee with my neurones

make a party 

have an orgy

and after a while come to get me consciously with a questioning.

My parents are already on a different argument 

The time has passed 

but I keep the same posture 

on the same chair

thinking about the same drink 

same food I have everyday 

and that questioning from the orgy of my thoughts, views and my parents words filtered in my mind 

while I was cheating on myself 

with the image of appearing non being there 

with my windows apparently closed for their reality

my surrounding.

That questioning is the prove I´m there

sitting by them

on the same chair everyday 

drinking the same coffee 

the same chocolate with the same sawdust

the same type of news from the same font

and the same music in my ears

My parents are definitely attached to their golden years 

their music, they call real music 

their ways to see the world without thinking the world wasn´t how they think 

but who could pull them off from their ideas of what the world was 

what the world is 

what the world will be 

I´m not the one who could do anything 

I´m detained in time too

listening the same music 

If I want to hear spanish songs 

the same list come to my mind 

If I want to hear something to write then 

Ricardo Arjona, of course

Inspiration, ways to write.

the balsam for my loneliness

I hear other musicians too

other kind of music 

but for me to write and feel me 

In Spanish the ones above

In English

the 80`s and 90`s romantic songs... or a little part of them 

people usually get amazed with what they find on my lists 

as my favorite song 

I love it, It is so strong, but people don`t seem to have the same opinion about that song.

Of Course, I was 15  then...

and for the last 5 to 6 years...

mmm... My fave of that skinny guy

You got me bad, you really got me bad... 

I `m gonna get u back!! 

hahhahahahhahahahhahahha love the video!!

And of course I update a little of him 

hahahahahhah 

But listening my list, watching the videos

sitting on the same chair 

even updating a little my lists 

I`m detained In time

I wonder if after 10 years or more

when I`m 70 or 80 I will be arguing with my coffee about the kind of movies 

the music people would like then

the fashion 

If even now I call myself classic dressed 

If after a bunch of years I will find in the other side of the world 

a chair to drink my coffee every day the same way

If I will continue having my sawdust for breakfast and dinner 

If I will go in my own blue bubble again

to cheat on me again 

thinking I`m untouchable for the reality 

and the ones around me 

or the loneliness on my shoulder 

I`m totally Detained in time

and that could be why I was nervous of my world not moving 

and be in the same place with the same feelings for ever 

but even when 

I`m detained in time 

My world moves

the time barely leaves signs in my soul 

barely leaves signs on my face (hehe)

but signs in my mind

Detained In Time 

Enjoying my music

Having my coffee 

My sawdust

On my chair 

Piedelmundo!!

A Little Favor... april 6 2015

I really don´t know where to start...
I need a favor
a little one...

I wont start putting things bigger or give extended explanations for anything
It could be easier to ignore everything and continue walking
but...
bcz of how I felt this time
I need to ask for that favor

I know your intention is to show up
and my intention was to simply ignore you till the end of my days... 

Then, after analizing the situation
knowing this is very easy for you to make comments 
as it is easy for my mind to bring all those terrible months
and how I got judged by you, of being so negative and so...

I, really, don´t have to make a list of what happened
how those months affected me 
emotionally
physically
psicologically
socially

I´m under Re-construction
learning and enjoying my process 













For u..
I wish the best
so please... stay ok and FAR from me

When someone ask or talk about u
Everytime my mind bring u up, (11 months are not 2 days and u damaged me)
I´m not smiling

So... Please
stay ok and far from me
I don´t need ur comments on my things
as u can read and see how I evolve

Good bye!!
Remember...
Good riddance to you!

Piedelmundo!!!

Eeewwww... My English is getting MORE THAN TERRIBLE

I`m on an English course to have the certification, I have to send an audio talking about my family... 
Yesterday I made a couple of attempts of those audios or videos, but at the end I got horrified with my english I NEED TO PRACTICE MY SPEAKING, THINKING, WRITING, DREAMING, and listening?  I don`t think I need to improve my listening but STILL 
Aaaahhhhhh... 
Terrible... I`m so sad about, I will show you my english videos.
Can imagine those faces judging me (as usual) bcz of my bad english grammar, pronunciation, vocabulary, etc, etc, etc...

Shame of me... 

I will make a good video and will post it here... 

Piedelmundo!!

Expectations...

Well... I will take what I got last night as an inspiration of what I want to talk about, I wont go on details about what it said or anything like that, but what came to my mind.

20 years ago I had a good friend, we were like sisters; going everywhere and sharing almost everything; after a while she left Colombia because she finally got her citizenship for her husband country, we lost contact, but thanks to Facebook we found each other, again, the situation got to be different since the time has passed and we didn`t have much to talk about, through chat or e-mails.

All my life I have been seen as a person who doesn`t have a filter in her mouth to say anything and even being that person who doesn`t know what is the phrase that goes first or after; then, my friend used to tell me I had to change my way and I agreed with her. I changed on those  20 years and actually faced many times people who doesn`t, really, have a filter and do not have the idea of what to say first when they have to meet someone, but I never say anything because I accept people how they are and some people is not willing to change or their neurones, just, don`t match and reproduce. But I`m nothing to judge anybody.

When I got in touch  with her again, 8 years ago, we chatted and she started to check on my pictures and  made comments there; her comments were not what I would expect from her as a friend, she seemed more to be an enemy but I took that as jokes and didn`t replay how she deserved, one time I made a comment on one of her pictures and it was "what happened to you?" she got mad and on an e-mail explained the last 3 years of her life, I understood and replayed to her that all that happened is in the past and she was better then, after that I found two comments from her, one saying she hope I don`t have to use glasses for reading because I look terrible and more with them and the other was about those bad thing I should be doing with my life since the application of how I would look when I`m on my 70`s is showing a terrible picture of a horrible old lady... I got like eehhmmm... Ok hahahhahah and just  replayed saying "I think you have to check on yourself first" and she blocked me.

Last nite all that came to my mind 

Then my question is, am I expecting too much from people?

Maybe, am I not comprehensive enough?

Then what if I take out my filter and start saying things the same way people hit me? 
What if turn to be who I was before and live by what I think without caring of the others?

I`m not sure if that is what the "DETACH" process is about; think, love, and care about myself first and only, so... who cares about what I say or what the people says if we shouldn`t expect anything, if we accept people how they are but if we don`t accept  we just leave... But we are not robots we are humans.

Well... me? I will continue wearing whatever I like and if anybody don`t like I will respond with a Phrase I heard one time, "Si a mi marido y a mi me gusta como me veo, que me importa a mi que a ti no te guste" If I like and my man likes how I look, I don`t care if you don`t like. and wont expect anymore for those, basice, rules of social life and if I expect something I will expect on my future that will bring the best only, no matter what is left on the way.

Piedelmundo!!

Silence and Loneliness

"En una época de engaño universal, decir la verdad es un acto revolucionario".

— George Orwell

I placed that quote there because I like it, and because I think is true but what I´m going to talk about is totally different.

Silence and Loneliness 

I used to write about silence as one of the worst punishments for anybody and Loneliness as that nightmare that was following me everywhere trying to catch me and waiting for me at the end of the road.

On friday when I was in silence I felt afraid of failing then I understood that is not to be quiet with my mouth only, but to stop my mind, to hear what people say and think twice before I spill any word or any sight that would disclose what is in my mind or how I feel. Even to calm my mind before it starts rushing because there are times when things can be better than what we think, so, instead of being trying to conclude on things we don´t know, just be calm.

That silence got to be one of the most delicious experiences I could have, and there totally quiet with my, supposed, desolation found myself secure, placid and delighted.

After that, I had to experience some chaos trying to get me, lots of words and the certainty of not being alone.

Loneliness is that friend who tell us, genuinely, if we steal smiles from someone because we are, unfortunally, attached to that human being or if we just share our laughs while they or us preffer to be together

Silence is that pleasure everybody should give to themselves

and Loneliness is a friend who would love to have a cup of coffee while she is with us!

You... you are that hiding smile I want to catch on a picture

That someone I want to smile and walk with, for a while!

Mmmmmm... It looks like I´m not writing that much lately... mmm may I close my blog? I don´t think, I will have a lot of things to write when we visit the other side of he world, or go to the mountains, or go to the unmentionable side of Colombia or simply stay here laughing!! 

I´ll leave it there

Piedelmundo!!