Yoga, escritura, Lectura, bicicleta, pilates, camina, corre, respira, trabaja,

 

Analizando las ultimas semanas... 2 para ser sincera, 

que si he tenido tiempo libre? pues um monton, 

me levanto a las 3 saco la perra, tomo las pastillas, me estiro y hago yoga, leo duermo y me levanto otra vez para comenzar a trabajar, trabajo por 8 horas haciendo el mejor esfuerzo para mantenerme enfocada en lo que debo hacer, (por que no naci millonaria?) tratando de evitar ese tornado de pensamientos... hasta que llega la 1:30... 

y me siento a tratar de planear que hacer para mantenerme ocupada, para quemar las calorias, para ganarme el challenge de mas pasos en la semana, para no sentirme triste por que no bajo de peso con ver los videos, por que tengo que callar a mi mente, por que tengo que encontrar la forma de dormir por las noches, por que no quiero estar triste, por que estoy triste pero no puedo darle paso a esta depresion y la ansiedad. por que tengo que ganarles la carrera. 

y los fines de semana pienso en la semana por que tengo mas estructura y los dias de semana pienso en el fin de semana por que tengo mas horas para correr, caminar, montar la cicla, escribir, leer, hacer yoga y mantenerme activa...

pero me siento cansada, cansada triste y sola... y lo unico que realmente quiero hacer es lo que se me de la regalada gana, sin pensar en las calorias, ni en nada mas... solo tirarme al piso con mi perra y quedarme alli dormida todo el dia... sin pensar o saltando de pensamiento en pensamiento sin mover un dedo...

eso es lo que quiero hacer... LO QUE SE ME DE LA GANA!! 

Bueno necesitaba ventilar... ya fui a montar la cicla,,, ahora voy a socializar un poco y despues ya veremos... aun no se me quitan las ganas de tirarme al piso a dormir por el resto del dia...

Se las dejo ahi!! 

Ps/ no, no es solamente Mrs T, Ahora tengo a Mrs T y a Mrs RR... no es una son 2,,,, asi de grave esta la cosa?

bueno la vida social y familiar me llama... ya contare! 

Piedelmundo!! 

My Life In a Backpack

When I was a little girl, the idea of going out for days filled my mind with an infinite number of questions as what would we eat? where am I going to sleep?, etc... 
Once we went to sleep on the beach and the experience got to be something I can`t, really, recall; I was sick and we were nervous of me having an episode and then having to run back home or at least to find a doctor. 

When I got marry at my 18 years old, I moved to another town, far from home, alone with another kid  and four big bags with all my stuff.
Coming back home, still married, I carried one backpack and a little purse, my husband  followed me months after with the other things and more gotten on those 3 or 4 months spent in that fake new home town where I found the reality for an 18 years old, married woman.

Some years after that, when I was decided to be a confined wife, mother of a couple of beautifull kids we jump to a new adventure, moving to another country... 
I left behind all my things; washer machine, stove, bed, kids beds, millions of kids toys, etc... 
An entire life got left behind because of the great idea of having a better life... 
What A Better Life!!
At least I left that comfort zone of being a desperate house wife who didn`t love her life but thought there were anything else to live.
Then I saw everything around as I can live without or I can live with.
A life after messing all my life and messing it again and again, I took all my things, or at least all the things I thought I needed, filled 4 big bags again and returned to my own country.
Lived in slow burningtown for a year, and flew to my own city found a job and new people who got to convince me of growing roots there, got a few of things but lived looking by the window for the day when I find my way out of there and  him (the one who will love me, who I love) a free, happy soul who I can trust. I found my steps comin back to burningtown. 

But a month ago, I filled my little backpack with some stuff I would need to live, feeling nervous and insecure left the house, but came back before I expected. left my backpack filled with all the stuff with the stupid hope of leaving before I expected but... one day I came back and emptied my backpack to fill it with daily things for little trips, watched that backpack there calling me, asking me for a date to leave, thought about selling my soul and step into a new adventure for a week, a month or a life, but, but, but... 
I promised to myself I would wait for..., my words, 2 years? hhahahahaha yes, sure!! hahahaa but I don`t want to have to deal with a new asshole for now,  then... mmmmm??
Do I want to contact him? or him? they are always on a rush and I have things to do for my own... I don`t need to live for someone else I have my own life and troubles.

That is not the subject... 

From my recent, recent recent past, Oh Come on, listen to your self V "PAST" I got a bunch of things that filled my mind, a bussiness, a partnership, laughter, JOKES, JOKES, STUPID JOKES. then what?? a flight ticket.  mmmmmhhh... my backpack jumped on my lap...
Without filling it again I started to think about anything else and left the bag on the floor for later, 
Jokes, more jokes, rules, and jokes then... my own mind working  Jjmmmm 

I, still, looked in my bag and I just need some clothes and I will be ready to leave... 


I have my basic life in a backpack.... I always thought about that people that is jumping from one country to another as a homeless comunity... can I be a part of that? What would my family think? what would the people say? would I survive?

answers... I don`t know
                nothing different of what they already think
                I don`t care... 
                I don`t think

At my 40`s I have my life in a backpack...


Piedelmundo!!! 

Sick with Tales, Songs and Journeys

And here I am...
drunk till my bones
or dizzy with all those words of your songs, tales, or journeys
I take another drink of whatever is in my cup
look around and your are there.
you noticed I read all you have.

I turn my face to the other side
with a smile on my lips
to my Coffee Snob friend
I look at him while he is explaining something to me.
something I don´t hear but I move my head as I understood
He has the same look as you
glasses, fit, white, and the same language in his tonge.
watching him i think, For the next Dating site profile I will ask for no glasses
and on the reaserch will put average to overweight, or, I already got an overweighted guy and didn`t work neither. 

I can´t remember my friend`s name, something with a letter of the alphabet
but  the fact that we don´t have or share anything but the love for his language and the desire of leaving our countries,
he has a fetish with women stockings
I look at myself and what I´m wearing?, nothing like stockings which reassure we are not on a romantic date.
he continues with his long monologue.

I ask the waitress to refill our cups, ask my friend to stop talking too fast, and look at you again.
There you are with your new; young; cow, someone who could be your daughter, I wonder, how much did you pay for that? and, actually... What is your name?
something with an R or, A or, C or, D or, J or, A or, what? and a foreignor lastname, longer than mine; if any lastname could be shorter; from somewhere, I know you better than you do yourself, your life is described on those lines I read. And made me sick.

I have read your entire life on tales, songs. or journeys and got so sick till the coffee I´m drinking with my friend taste like alcohol.

Thinking of my dizziness I turn my face to S, interrupt him touching his arm
and tell him to look at you, -Do you remember the man I´m talking about
since I met you?
-yes, but, I can´t remember the name.
- Haha. S, good try,  but no, I didn´t mention that and I can´t, really, recall his name, what I remember is his life
He is someone missing someone, a writer, someone who loves to go hiking, a musician,  white, fit, a man who wear glasses. You see S, even you, have the same description. but; don`t worry; you are safe!
only if your name were Hugh Laurie or Adam Levine I could see you as that piece of flesh to satisfy my desire. but you are not, then as him you can think I´m on my jeans trying to find a girl for myself, you can call me anytime to drink coffee or beer and even spend a night together and nothing will happen.
S, placed a hand on my shoulder and laughed like crazy, - didn`t you desist on that,  lesbian, idea?
-I, sure, did. but my lace is not available for you nor for him, maybe for a night when my body betray my mind and want to call him, then I`ll wear my lace with stockings and...
The waitress interrupted the stupid conversation with S putting a bottle of alcohol in front of me saying "from the gringo"  I looked at the bottle and say - S? 
my friend break laughing and the waitress says; sorry, no, the one there turning her eyes to you.
 S; says, on his particular way- someone is trying to get your attention and laughed more when we turned our faces to you and you`re attached to your younger cow. 
- you think?, I say, changing my position to see you directly,  I think you`re in trouble, Constantine, he knows and suffered my allergies and a bottle of my fave vodka could kill me, He wants me death and you, in jail. Where is my shrimp? I ask to the waitress.
she comes to ask how I want my shrimp, - No, where are my shrimps from the gringo there, 
-no, he didn`t order  shrimps for you. she replayed.
S, had to go to the restroom, and I`m looking at you directly while you`re attached to that young cow lips with your eyes open looking on every prospect and reaction in the room, untill your eyes find my eyes, I smile at you, and you get dettached from her lips, I find in my mind that face I used to show you when I was grateful, took the bottle with my left hand and show you my allergy pill on the middle finger of my right hand with a sign and put it deep in my mouth on a fake sexy movement, broken with my laughter, but from my very  inside, the words "I love you" without sound came across my lips showing you I already forgave you and wish some of your charaters  to forgive me someday.

S,  is back and ask me what was that, I look at him directly and respond  - A sincere  and simple offer of friendship, I say, and don`t worry, If my mind betray me sometime and I want to call him, I will wear some lace and stockings but  I rather eat my hand, even when I hate masturbation so bad, so don`t worry... our friendship is safe!


Piedelmundo!!

Otro Que Es Peor... Another That Is Worse...

I`m not writing about what the song says, but what C.V. says at the end of the recording, "Tengo otro que es peor" "I have another that is worse" which I always repeat when someone try to make me feel gross by describing disgusting things, then I say something worse and laugh saying "I have another that is worse"... 

the other version of that phrase is when people tell me I`m too bad, then I respond "And I was worse before".

I´m not in the mood to explain why... things are what things are and we shouldn´t expect anything from anybody, good or bad, because the givers get tired of giving all the time, and people can change. 

I will leave it here... I, just, don´t expect anything good or bad from anybody, I, just, live my days laughing with the man of my life and the girl I love... 

hahahhaha... what a bad post, and I have ANOTHER THAT IS WORSE!!

Piedelmundo!!

A Stolen Poem, The Campfire in Your Eyes.

This is not mine, I wish, but no... my english is not that extended and perfect

I was waiting for a long time to post this on my blog but every time I come to read and write, this poem is touching my eyes asking me to be posted, I try to ignore it thinking the writer wont be happy but today I`m posting all I have there...

Yes, A.W. come and hit me with your words, yell on me, do whatever you want, but I will leave this poem there because you sent it to me, and you knew I like it as I do with most of your poems and tales but you sent this one to ME!!

Sorry A.W. but I like it because I imagine you, there, by the campfire.

Do not touch this poem, do not copy this poem, DON`T DON`T DON`T... read it, enjoy it and leave it!!

The Campfire in your Eyes

The smoke from the campfire

dances round my feet

and rises to my eyes

burnin’ the salt in my tears.

The wind keeps shiftin’

and I bounce around

from North to South

like a wayward compass needle

Each shift in position

interrupts my thoughts

of you and my memories

of your face and your eyes

that roll me like strabismus

and whirl me like a Ferris wheel

and bump me from log to log

like a toad without a princess

livin' this lily pad life wonderin’

if it’s time for ‘nother shift

of perspective from tadpole to pole

clearin’ the smoke from lidless eyes.

A.W.

I definitely like it...

Piedelmundo!!!

A Little Favor... april 6 2015

I really don´t know where to start...
I need a favor
a little one...

I wont start putting things bigger or give extended explanations for anything
It could be easier to ignore everything and continue walking
but...
bcz of how I felt this time
I need to ask for that favor

I know your intention is to show up
and my intention was to simply ignore you till the end of my days... 

Then, after analizing the situation
knowing this is very easy for you to make comments 
as it is easy for my mind to bring all those terrible months
and how I got judged by you, of being so negative and so...

I, really, don´t have to make a list of what happened
how those months affected me 
emotionally
physically
psicologically
socially

I´m under Re-construction
learning and enjoying my process 













For u..
I wish the best
so please... stay ok and FAR from me

When someone ask or talk about u
Everytime my mind bring u up, (11 months are not 2 days and u damaged me)
I´m not smiling

So... Please
stay ok and far from me
I don´t need ur comments on my things
as u can read and see how I evolve

Good bye!!
Remember...
Good riddance to you!

Piedelmundo!!!

Eeewwww... My English is getting MORE THAN TERRIBLE

I`m on an English course to have the certification, I have to send an audio talking about my family... 
Yesterday I made a couple of attempts of those audios or videos, but at the end I got horrified with my english I NEED TO PRACTICE MY SPEAKING, THINKING, WRITING, DREAMING, and listening?  I don`t think I need to improve my listening but STILL 
Aaaahhhhhh... 
Terrible... I`m so sad about, I will show you my english videos.
Can imagine those faces judging me (as usual) bcz of my bad english grammar, pronunciation, vocabulary, etc, etc, etc...

Shame of me... 

I will make a good video and will post it here... 

Piedelmundo!!

Pajarillo perdido...

Escribirte

Hablarte a ti

Llorar por ti

E intentar que lo sepas no es mas que

Gritar en el desierto

Grabar en piedra fría palabras de amor ardiente

Escribir en el muro de las lamentaciones y esperar

Respuesta a viva voz

Es caminar en la oscuridad en una noche sin luna ni estrellas

Viajar sin rumbo

Navegar sin conocer el cielo ni el mar...

Pero asi voy…

Gritando  que te amo por si alguna de mis palabras es lo suficientemente hábil y logra llegar a tu corazón por que tus oídos no me escuchan

Grabando en piedra fría toda esta pasión esperando que en algún momento en tu camino logres tropezar con una de mis piedras y sientas lo que siento

escribiendo en este muro de lamentaciones todo lo que te quiero por si en algún momento se cansa y me responde…

voy…

caminando en la oscuridad por que tu eres mi luz, tu eres mi luna y mi estrella y no te tengo pero sigo caminando para encontrarte nuevamente y poder volver a ver mi camino

viajando sin rumbo por que no tengo donde ir si tu eres mi destino y no te tengo…

navegando en un mar de soledad sin saber cual es el cielo ni cual es el mar, completamente perdida en este mundo que no me habla ni me muestra una señal...

completamente perdida sin ti que ya no me quieres a mi…

perdida por mi propia mano, como pajarillo que ha escapado de su jaula y al tratar de regresar ha encontrado todas las puertas cerradas…

Piedelmundo…

Un Par De Lagrimas...

Deteniendo un par de lagrimas por no seguirle la corriente al dolor, mientras afuera llueve a cantaros y se escuchan los gritos de pena…

Detengo un par de lagrimas entre leyes y documentos.

Distraigo al dolor haciéndome la ocupada

Y vuelvo mi vista hacia mis deberes,

Pero la naturaleza es sabia y llora inconsolable mi dolor.

Grita cual mujer de parto

Por lo que se ha perdido

Y derrama por todos lados esas lagrimas contenidas,

Esas lagrimas disfrazadas,

Esas lagrimas que dejo al  borde de mis ojos.

Esperando a que llegue ese momento en que no pueda mas

En que todo vuelva a atraparme en un momento

Sin pensamientos sensatos

Solo recuerdos

Recuerdos de ti y de mi

De cuando fuimos nosotros

De cuando reia

Y lloraba de alegría

Ahora

Detengo un par de lagrimas

Mientras escucho llorar al cielo

Dar gritos de dolor

Por que me he dedicado retener mis lagrimas

A disfrazarlas

A esconderlas

Por que me he dedicado a guardarlas sin limite de tiempo

Sin una razón valedera para contenerlas

Detengo mis lagrimas mientras escucho

Al cielo llorar mi pena…

Piedelmundo…

How Do That Feels... but i still

How do you feel ignoring me?? 
i´m asking because i never ignored you the way you are doing ...
i got mad, i got quiet but never ignored you that way you are... 
the time you told me about your family i didnt talk with you for days but i was hurted and i got sick... i couldnt go to wrk...
your voice hurted me but i still went back to you, i couldnt help
please tell me... how do that feels to ignore someone like that, i mean someone you said you loved that much

ok.. i still...

“if one day you feel like crying...
call me
I don't promise that
I will make you laugh

But I can cry with you.

If one day you want to run away
Don't be afraid to call me.
I don't promise to ask you to stop,

But I can run with you.

If one day you don't want to listen to anyone
call me
i promise to be there for you
but i also promise to remain quiet

But...
If one day you call
and there is no answer...
come fast to see me..

Perhaps I need you.”

I need you!!

Piedelmundo...

Something Extraordinary...

Sin tweets, ni estados y sin afeitarse de aquí hasta que algo extraordinario suceda.

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   algo extraordinario... imagino ke todos esperamos algo asi y para algunos lo unico extraordinario ke nos sucede es tener la misma foto y la nada, por largo rato hasta ke decidimos seguir caminando y twitear, postear estados y cambiar fotos!!

  Hace 4 minutos · Me gusta

  
  

  the translation... 

  
  

 no tweets, no status, no shaving, from now till something extraordinary happens...

 i commented, "something extraorinary... i guess that everyone is waiting for something like that and for some people the only unusual that happens is to have the same picture and the nothing, for a long time, till we decide to continue walking and tweet, post a status, y change pictures..." 

one day tired of talking to your pictures where i saw you smiling with me kissing your cheek i went to find you, and made something extraordinary to happen in your day... im not saying good or nice for you, just unusual then u placed a couple of misscalls to my phn 

that was something unusual for me... i cant tell if that was good or  not since im crying more, but extraordinary... 

now... everyday i wake up waiting for something really unusual to happen 

i asked God for something to happen on saturday... then i got a 100, everybody was happy for that, but me... i told God: " thank u, but thats not what i wanted to happen, but thank you.. i know is really out of your hands to change his stubborn heart" 

hope  good-extraordinary things happens to you everyday... 

 

Love you!! 

 

 

ahh... today is thanksgiving 

happy thanksgiving day for you 

smashed potatoes?? pork? 

i cant remember what is the name of the pot you have and how you cook your pork... 

but... i hope you enjoy your day and have a nice meal!!

sending my love to you!!

Piedelmundo...

 

 

no, i wont change my pic untill something happens... or the life pass and in 10 years i have to change it because i finally realized you wont come back!!

"Un verdadero espíritu de rebeldía es aquel que busca la felicidad en esta vida."

                                                        vikina !!!