Solo por necesidad... Just for necessity!!

As my brain is a box of memories 
where i have a lot of things... 
I unfortunately throw away sum information
that will really help me to stand from here and continue living 
but i forgave all that 
and have in that box 
all those good things 
memories of love 
that doesn´t let me continue living 
because he is not with me 
and really dont want to know nothing about me...
ok, but before 
I fall on that terrible, pathetic 
situation of being crying 
because i have no hope
i better 

write about the memory 
that came to my mind this  morning...
by the end...
when everything was 
days and days of 
loneliness 
when i was dreaming of him with his someone
trying to lie to my mind 
nothing was happening 
when i was fighting with my reality that was a terrible mess 
my work 
my everything around
and having that idea of him laughing on me with his someone 
I used to text him 
por necesidad... when i was sad 
and solo por necesidad 
when i was mad, because of my brain telling me, 
he got someone...
i waited for him to ask me 
i waited for him to seems to realize 
i wrote something in spanish 
and ask me 
what that meant
why i was typing in spanish those words 
but that never happened 

and what those words meant is :

I miss you, i miss the man i met sometime, i miss myself being happy with you, i know something is happening in your life, and our time is more reduced every day... we dont talk, we dont show love to eachother, we seems to be a bad marriage, that bad marriage i dont want because i want us to be boyfriend and girlfriend for ever, kissing with that passion, touching eachother as the first time, enjoying our conversations, living our love as we are forever... 
i love you, the way i never did before, you mean for me more than what anybody else has, you came to my life to changed it.
one time, i got my laugh stolen, but with you i got new smiles and laugh, real happiness for me,,, i started to live and met real love,,, 
and me being a proud woman who wants the best for her, feeling and dreaming your love is not mine anymore is hard and want to run away 
but my love for you is that big i can share  
i can let you be lost in other eyes 
only if you let me be lost on your smile 
i can let you walk thru the world 
and i will alwasy wait for you with my arms open 
and if one night you dont come 
i still be here the next morning to kiss your dreams 
but the time we share is so small 
the words we say are so dry 
my heart is so sad 
and i know something is happening 
but i´m here 
because i need you 
Just because i need you 
because i need your love...
i dont care where you go or what you do
because i need you!!

i was expecting him to ask 
but i think he translated the words 
and got  a translation but the meaning of my words
as he didnt know my heart 
he knew i dreamed of him 
and was asking what i dreamed 
but how i would say 
i saw you with someone else 
for what?? 
for him to tell me, yes... and then, what?? 
but that day, April the 7th 
i told him our conversations are so simple 
why u have that simple mind...
he replayed 
is better to have a simple mind instead of a complicated one...
yes i have a complicated mind, and more complicated when i knew the truth 
and didnt want to realize it... 
a simple conversation, a simple mind... 
PLEASE TRY TO LOOK IN MY MIND AND CLEAR THOSE THOTS I HAVE, TELL ME MY DREAMS AND FEARS ARE NOT TRUE 
AND HELP ME TO LIVE AGAIN... 
I NEED YOU, NEED YOUR LOVE 
NEED YOUR LAUGH 
NEED THE MAN I MET SOMEDAY IN FRONT OF A HOTEL AND KISSED ME AS HE WAS THIRSTY FOR MY LIPS...
that´s what i wanted to say... 
but that was not what i said

 Well, today the 9th of nov... what can i say... 
i was hurted and didnt get the answer i wanted
then i couldnt take the heaviness of my stupid complicated mind 
and have to try to continue living everyday 
give a fake smile 
hide my tears
and have in mind the two angels that are trusting me 
and need me alive!!

Piedelmundo...