De paso

Quiero pensar que algun dia saldre de esto
que no es mi destino 
si no un simple pasaje de mi vida 
que despues habran mejores dias 
que no debere temer 
que podre olvidarme del mundo que me rodea 
y me encontrare contigo

quiero estar de paso 
quiero disfrutar de lo poco 
aprender la leccion para poder disfrutar 
de cada instante cuando todo cambie
cuando ya no este de paso 
cuando mi casa limpia encuentre su ocupante
que le cuidara 
que le amara 
y quien se quedara por siempre 

tal vez esta sed de besos no sea mas que esa leccion 
para poder apreciar las mieles cuando las tenga en mis labios 
este frio de abrazos 
sera el que me enseñe a apreciar el calor de un abrazo verdadero 
esta soledad acompañada 
es la enseñanza de apreciar las carcajadas 
y esa mano sosteniendo mi mano 
que este desamor me enseñe a apreciar el amor 
y a encontrarlo cuando me sea dado nuevamente 

por que esta vida sin vida no puede ser mas que un momento de paso 
una pesadilla de la cual no logro despertar 
un trago amargo pero  pasajero 
un tropezon de mi vida 
un rato 
un paso 
un instante 
una noche enferma 
tiene que ser solo un paso 
por que no se puede vivir sin vida 
no hay amor sin amor 
no hay calor en el frio 
no se puede vivir la vida ciega 
cuando vemos la realidad 

y asi como creemos que despues de la vida 
debe haber algo que no sabemos 
despues de tanta tristeza 
de tanta soledad 
despues debe haber algo 
algo bueno 
por que ya no hay nada mas malo 

que podria haber mas malo 
que tener que soportar el desamor
saber que nisiquiera merecemos respeto
y tener que vivir con ello 

no tener las alas para volar lejos 
no tener las fuerzas para echar todo al olvido 
mirar la realidad y simplemente seguir haciendonos las tontas 


no no podria haber nada mas malo
y si no hay mas mal 
debe venir cosas maravillosas 
debo encontrar esos ojos que me buscan 
debo encontrar esos labios 
debo ser alcanzada por esos brazos 
debo ser amada y amar 


yo se que esto no puede ser mas que un paso
una leccion 
un momento de mi vida 
para que pueda apreciar las cosas buenas 
cuando lleguen a mi vida
cuando te encuentre 
y sepa que eres para siempre!! 

Piedelmundo...

Hasta cuando??

En estos dias en ke no tengo nada 
ke mi vida no es mas ke un estupido caos 
ni sikiera puedo decir ke tengo una casa 
solo un espacio ke no me pertenece
solo un lugar donde estar mientras llega el dia en ke deba marchar 

sin hogar, sin trabajo, sin familia, sin nada  
y hasta sin Dios...

Por ke no puedo reir si le precede a mi risa un mar de lagrimas
y es por la misma unica razon...
si anteriormente llore por no poder caminar con mi cabeza en alto
ahora nisiquiera puedo pensar 
solo voy como un pedazo de carne viviente 
sin derecho de decidir por si misma
sin derecho de preguntarme a mi misma
hasta cuando? 
si aun cuando desease tomar la decision de preguntarmelo 
corriendo el riesgo de no tener respuesta 
temo darmela si sera una respuesta alimentada por el coraje 
ke despues de unos instantes y ante mi realidad solo me llenara de mas tristeza 
y volvere a ahogarme en mi propio llanto
volvere a agonizar sintiendo mi corazon volando en mil pedazos
volvere a sentirme enferma, sin fuerza, sin direccion, sin calma alguna

y nisiquiera tengo a Dios para pensar que todo va a mejorar 
Si esta tan lejos de mi 
tan callado
tan ocupado en sus cosas 
ke no me keda mas ke seguir en este fango
sin pensar 
sin tratar siquiera preguntarme 

HASTA CUANDO??

Piedelmundo...

Status of Happiness...

One time when i used to cry  night and day 
when every smile had sense for me and every word had a name 

One time when i used to walk and feel lost 
when every moment lived and loved was all i had and all i had was that month with a name on it 

One time when i dreamed
when i thot there was happiness waiting for me 
when i trusted the future and it promises  as 
something with smiles and joy 

That time when my life was simple and happy
when i used to laugh 
when i used to cry 
when i used to live 
when i used to trust in destiny 
i thot i had that status of happiness waiting 
that situation of never crying 
when i was holding that happiness 
when the time was not a bunch of fears 
when i used to laugh
because i was happy 
even crying i was happy 
i was not afraid of anything 
just happy!!

Piedelmundo...

Reconsideration...

What have to reconcider?
Dont I have an opinion?
Am I an ugly doll that is waiting for a decision?
Everyday...
Every hour just goes by  
and I´m not crying and just waiting for any chance 
or anything that shows a little of you
Any interest...
No, I´m not waiting
because I know there is nothing to wait for
I informed my heart you wont come back 
And I´m just living
If you decide to forgive 
If u decide to talk 
I still have to ask to my heart 
if he wants to be hurted again 
by not being loved back 
try to love again  for both of us 

I still have to ask to my mind 
if she is prepared to see
how u throw me out in the night 
and me begging for mercy 

I know i shouldn´t say what i said 
and i did apologize 
i did rectify what i said 
because and just because 
i have to respect 
but where is the respect for me?
where is the respect for my love?
I asked to be threated as a bitch 
in bed 
not in the middle of the night  
being asked to take my stuff and walk down the street 
in the middle of the night 

You have to reconsider about that wound i made on you
where that wound was made?
your head, arm, leg?
because to be giving love for 5 months 
without receiving love back 
and then be threated as a nasty bitch 
made a big wound in my heart

to give my hand 
to give my friendship 
to help 
to give a smile 
yes... i can just give 
and that is already yours 

to give my heart again 
even when he dies to be with u 
and give u my entire life 
i really have to reconsider... 
because 
im not thinking about that 
and im just living 
but when i do 
i cant stop crying... 


Piedelmundo...

NADA...

Por fin en mi mundo..
sin nada ni nadie 
en mi propia oscuridad
en mi soledad
en mi y sin nadie mas....
por fin puedo llorar mis lagrimas sola 
sin miedo 
sin excusas 
sin ese temor a ser juzgada por alguna palabra 
sin esperar nada de nada 

sola abrazada a mi almohada 
sentir mis lagrimas correr por mis mejillas 
escuchar ese silencio de la nada de mi 
esa ausencia que yo misma hago
sentir ese frio incesante que llega hasta mis huesos 
y saber que no te encontrare 
que trate de buscarte en otro lado 
y hoy 
tengo la certeza de que no estabas alli 

sin excusarme 
escuchar a mi mente y saber que me digo la verdad
que no estas 
que no estaras 
que yo misma estoy perdida 
que no hay nadie 
solo un cuerpo sin alma 
una mente que divaga 
en el universo 
y al rededor de ella no hay mas 
que lo que ella misma es 
nada!! 


Piedelmundo...

Free to love me...

Days ago my life was gone 
as a kid when is out of sugar.... 
just dead 
walking, talking 
living just bcz 
yesterday with one of his kisses 
with his eyes 
with his hands
and a lot of words coming out of his mouth 
i got alive again 
got filled of energy 


touched the stars 
felt my heart beating 
and couldnt even think 
i just had that stupid smile on my lips 
of a woman inlove 
that sight i couldnt hide 
that happiness singing as laugh on me 

felt my life as a rollercoaster 
being on the top touching with my fingertips the stars

but i got much information 
i got the idea of her inviting him 
to go on a trip 
for a week 
her inviting him 
and today when the reality 
came to and hit my face with those words 
today 
after having the idea of going back there 
after planing again my whole life 
her name came to my mind 
and destroyed all my sand castles 
erased my smile 
and twisted my heart 
she wants him with her 
she is willing to do anything to have him 
who am i?
or what can i do 
just nothing 

then...

my words to him... 
you are free to love me 
but free 
no, i wont move there, 
i cant expose my heart again to be thrown out 
can´t expose my own since i dont have wings 
God made me human not bird 
can´t move from one brench to another 
and continue singing as nothing happened 
so, i wont move there 
untill you are sure is me who you want and love 
untill i feel secure again 
right now i just feel unsecure and sure 
nomatter what if i move there again 
i´ll be thrown away  
and i cant afford such a thing 

love me free...
maybe u can find that love u want on those conversations
that excitemnt 
that happiness 
so love me free 
like that you can decide to have me 
or simply not 
these wound are asking me for time 
to be carefull 
to let u be free to love me 
free... as a bird 
open ur wings and fly 
enjoy your life 
and if u realize you need me 
then come and let me know
come and fly by my side 
if not, im letting u to be free 
i´m not letting you to hurt me more 
so,,, while u fly 
i heal 
and if you decide to have her 
if you decide that your life is definatly not by me 
I can still smile bcz i loved you!!

but now...
you are free to love me 
and decide what to do!!


Piedelmundo...

Then and Now!!

By this days is tnksgiving 

but im not sending it to myslf bcz of that 

im sending it to myslf 

bcz at this moment i have a presentation today 

i have the final exams the next week and have metodology by the 5th of dec 

also have the graduation of my kids 

and need to be focus on what i have to do 

but his memories are coming to my mind rite now 

to put me down 

and i dont need that 

i just want to know how im feeling by the end of my 2nd semester  at the university and how i did now 

i have to do my best to do well if i really want to do something for my slf 

it is very hard to imagine him 

with his little girl 

but i have to improve for myslf and do well 

what if after a while i look back and see that i didnt do good for someone that is not interested on me at all 

and i lost my time??

him and everything 

NNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO VIVIAN YOU HAVE TO FOLLOW A DREAM 

AND YOUR DREAM WAS TO BE SOMEONE PREPARED 

AT A TIME YOU GOT DISAPOINTED BCZ HE IS JUST A TRUCK DRIVER 

U LOVE HIM YES 

BUT HE IS NOTHING AND U HAVE TO CONTINUE LIVING 

HE IS NO MORE WITH U AND THAT IS HARD 

BUT THE FACT THAT HE IS NOT WITH YOU 

DOESNT MEAN U HAVE TO LEAVE YOURSLF ALONE 

THERE SHOULD BE SOMEONE THAT WANTS TO MAKE YOU HAPPY AND YOU WILL FIND THE INSPIRATION AGAIN

JUST WAIT ON JESUS 

HE LOVES YOU 

EVEN WHEN U FEEL DOWN!! 

Well...

My life has change a lot 

someone came to my life and is already gone 

is something i have to fight with now

I´m having a hard time

last nite i dreamed of sleeping on the street literally 

trying to be focus on those two important things on my life 

my kids 

and my university 

with my tears trying to come out once i let them  

but without a wall to hide them 

having to show a smile 

feeling more alone 

and sad than ever 

but with the mentality that God 

will raise me again... 

i mite send another card to myslf 

about all this situation now 

i really want keep all this in my mind 

dont forget what are the experiences im having 

to be able to appreciate every minute 

every kiss 

every hug 

every blessing 

when i have them again 

i dont know 

i really dont understand why now 

anything seems to get resolve easily and fast

and every step i make 

is, just, showing me that the only interested in me 

is me!!

but i know that in a while 

i´ll look back and will feel happy bcz i was able to pass 

all this situation!!

Im not good 

Im not happy 

but 

Im alive, have my kids 

and my university to feel good!!!

Piedelmundo!!

My Question...

My question...

When did i stop writting 

he mite be thinking that i still care about him

and want him back

which is not the case, 

i did write these postdated cards only 

but my feelings  now are totally different

Today is october the 10th 2013...

there are many reasons i dont want to write this

1) wont be read

2) have to be in english

3) dont want to cont crying 

4) and more... 

How i feel?? sad... before i was sad to give my words and dont get any response 

then i asked to dont be read  and i got a response... 

now my word dont get read 

then 

why to write? is like to waste the mind

waste the tears 

waste a life when maybe out there 

i can find some eyes that want to read my smiles

some eyes that want to respond...

but is not easy when i see those eyes everywhere and 

my fingers want to write for you 

now i can tell 

i am cleaning my house and closing my windows 

not to leave...

i will be there 

but not waiting for you

just waiting for my self to decide how i am going to stop crying for you

if one day 

you decide to visit me...

dont even ask 

just push the door 

i mite be there smiling 

if not 

is because im already dead... 

love you!!

Piedelmundo...

Heaven out of the hell Vs Hell out of the heaven!!

I just read something very interesting 

“La mente es tu propio lugar y en sí misma puede hacer un cielo del infierno y un infierno del cielo”

" the mind is your own place and by itself can create a heaven out of the hell or a hell out of the heaven."

My case,,, 

I think im trying to create a heaven out of the hell 

maybe the reality is that im creating a hell out of the heaven 

I cant tell

I just know that I´m taking what I can 

stealing joy from third parties 

crying my own tears 

because of my own mind 

my own fears 

my own selfesteem

disguising my internal loneliness with my laugh 

and paying with unconditional love 

those little pieces of companionship 

But maybe...

and just maybe...

That Joy is given to me 

just because i deserve it 

and want to be given to me...

my tears should desapear 

with all those fears 

with my low selfesteem 

I should laugh freely 

because I´m not alone

because there are more people 

than what i think, that really care of me 

and love me 

And... 

maybe... 

what im getting are not pieces of companionship

maybe, is love!! 

Aaahhh...

yes,,,i wrote the next part a month ago...

i didnt know what was to happen in my life 

the next days

i didnt know God had for me 

that joy for a young woman 

i didnt know at all... 

i wrote the next part a month ago 

when i was to die again

in my own space 

without knowing out there 

the life was waiting for me 

when i thot i had beg and fight

to continue breathing 

when what i knew as my life 

threw me away 

then i lived 

then i had joy

then i laughted out loud 

and decided to see my world 

with different eyes 

and now im taking  

what i can 

reminding that I´m still a woman

and loving every minute 

with a different mind and a different view of my future!!

Hi Vivi,

Well...

i chose that bears hug bcz, maybe, when we receive it 

we are in need of that

today we are sick, we have some time to be stupid.

actually im writting and postdating it to my slf 

bcz i just realized that all the messages i delete from my inbox 

go a recycle bin and those messages after a month will get erased 

so what i want to know is 

if my heart will erase tht easy too 

or if ill be worse or better...

i like this postdated cards bcz they give me a view of how i was 

and how i recover 

Well... i really hope we dont need that bear virtual hug 

instead of  that we are having kisses and hugs 

hahahha.... im asking too much, i wont be able to find someone that fast

or not to find someone else but to be able to change my feelings and accept 

what is available...

just hope im better!!!

piedelmundo...

Mirrors...

Since yesterday 
bcz of a couple of laughs 
I got the punishment from the destiny 
I saw the reality in front of me 
no doub
is the reality who gave me that slap on my face 
because I dont deserve any joy


After fighting with the blindness 
of who care of me 
and my stupidness 
of who think I´m worth to believe a lie 
After telling him I´m not blind to believe 
what he want me to believe 
just to raise my soul 
in my own loneliness 
realized I need more mirrors 
mirrors on every spot of this place 

mirrors dont lie 
mirrors show the truth
mirrors dont hide anything for later 
or just because they dont want to hurt u 
mirrors all over the place 

is what i need 
mirrors that show me the truth 
when i think things can change 
mirrors to show me my age 
to show me who I am 
and dont let me think i can be better than what  i am 
mirrors 
to realize that I cant ask for more 
since I dont have more to give 
since I´m not enough to delight my self 
then to delight others... 
and just have to wait for the decision of someone else 
if they want to stole that taken happiness 
I say is mine 
but is nothing more than that

I just realized I need more mirrors 
to dont forget my truth!!!

Piedelmundo...